March 2011
1 post
“The Xoom tablet is trim, light, and very pretty … but when you place it next to...”
– Andy Ihnatko (via Daring Fireball)
June 2009
1 post
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they go by.”
– Douglas Adams
February 2009
2 posts
“Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”
– P. J. O’Rourke
“See when you make a move out of frustration or anger it always ends in...”
– Bobby
December 2008
1 post
“‘We only call ourselves the Red Squirrel Protection Partnership because if...”
– They shoot squirrels, don’t they? The Guardian
November 2008
1 post
“Rappers from South Central Los Angeles look good in really baggy jeans; office...”
– A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO MEN’S JEANS
October 2008
1 post
“Sweet honey comes from bees that sting”
– Candide
June 2008
1 post
“Liquorice is good for you in moderation”
– Sinead O’Hara, Royal Homeopathic Hospital London
April 2008
1 post
“The marathon is easy. There are no lions”
– Maasai warriors running the London Marathon. The Guardian
March 2008
1 post
“We will probably be judged not by the monuments we build but by those we have...”
– “Farewell to Penn Station” New York Times editorial, October 30, 1963
June 2007
5 posts
It's just rubbish, mate
Two binmen pick up rubbish with metal implements in a park in Hackney, east London...
Tim: I play this game, yeah? I think of the story behind everything I pick up.
Rory: It's just rubbish, mate.
Tim: You should give it a try. Makes the job more interesting.
Rory: What was this? A newspaper. What's it now? A wet newspaper. Fantastic.
Tim: You're not even trying. What about this?
Rory: Oh, I've not seen an empty packet of crisps before. Stunning.
Tim: But they might have been eaten by a child who will be prime minister some day.
Rory: Not exactly likely, though, is it?
Tim: This one over here has definitely got a story.
Rory: Mate, it's a bloody tissue.
Tim: Sure, but what do you think it was before
Rory: Someone had a nosebleed. I'm not touching it.
Tim: But if we were playing the game.
Rory: We're not playing the game.
Tim: I'll tell you what I see. I see a terrorist, yeah?
Rory: Just sitting in the park?
Tim: And having a break from terrorist things.
Rory: And using a tissue?
Tim: He wants to go straight. So he says to al-Qaida, 'Listen, boys.' He's saying this in ... that other language. 'I don't want to ruin society, after all.' So one of the other terrorists comes and hits him in the face. Blood everywhere, but he's got this tissue.
Rory: What are you? Jeffrey bloody Archer?
Tim: Don't point your utensil at me.
Rory: I don't need to be acting out the life history of a tissue, yeah?
Tim: A terrorist tissue. You see how it passes the time, though? You see that?
Rory: You know what else passes the time. Doing work.
Tim: Doing work. I won't be stifled. Everything has its story.
Craig Taylor in The Guardian, June 23 2007
Disease, famine, natural disasters and many other problems can not be prevented. We can predict and protect, but we can never prevent.
War is entirely made by man and only man can stop it.
“Anybody who doesn’t love Toxic by Britney Spears is lying”
“#13 Arriving in the pub late and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean...”
– 25 Things that make you a man
“Think Big Bird being violated by a grizzly bear”
April 2007
1 post
Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up, you better start running. Herb Caen
March 2007
5 posts
“Nobody intends to get naked. Somebody puts on the YMCA and five minutes later,...”
– Tom Bond
Future of television, cinema, internet and me →
“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen”
Global warming
The problem will solve itself. Once we’ve used all of our precious oil, gas and coal, we won’t have anything left to turn into dangerous chemicals. We’ll all be driving around in cars powered by water and recycling everything we use.
It just might be a few decades after we’ve destroyed the planet…
What happened to small? →
February 2007
8 posts
How much?!
I estimate the total cost the the 2012 Olympics in London will be £20 billion
“Advice for talking to the opposite sex: Remember, you’re not funny”
– Neil Bonwick
“Which of my photographs is my favourite? The one I’m going to take...”
– Nancy VanLandingham
Reasons to be cremated
1. Make sure you’re really dead
2. Think about the worms…
The Elements of Typographic Style Applied to the... →
“Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday”
Our lives on this planet are too short. The work to be done is too great to let this spirit flourish any longer in this land of ours. Of course we cannot vanquish it with a program, nor with a resolution. But we can perhaps remember, if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek, as do we, nothing but the...
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
October 2006
1 post
The things we fear the most are the things that have already happened to us.
July 2005
1 post
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have
June 2005
6 posts
Advice for talking to the opposite sex: Remember, your not funny.
Lillian: I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window. Mary: Yeah, so we have something to jump out of. - Saved!
I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you can just go to the record store and visit your friends. - Penny Lane, Almost Famous
The well that is most often used gives the purest water -Hebrew Proverb
A man was walking under a tree and a bird pooped on him - as this is supposed to be lucky, he decided to buy a Fortune 4 scratchcards ticket and won £24.00. The following week the same thing happened, a little bird pooped on him from the same tree! So he went and bought another National Lottery Fortune 4 and won £444. He now spends time on Wednesdays and Saturday standing under that lucky tree,...
After spending what can only be described as an extremely sordid night with a sexy and utterly filthy young lady named Gemma, I decided to cheer her up by texting her, detailing everything I was intent on doing to her the next time. Graphically. Grandma was not amused to receive this. Not fully understanding it and seeking guidance as to the meaning of some of the content, neither was my mother....
May 2005
2 posts
Never stroke a burning dog.
A higher percentage of this country voted against Labour than voted for them…yet they’re still going to govern us for the next four years.
April 2005
11 posts
There is a person, there is a problem; no person no problem. J. V Stalin
You were shot?!? Yes, in the mouth. In the mouth?!?!? Yes, I got better.
Whatever happens, just remember- it could always be worse.
I saw a reindeer once. It had nothing to do with Santa but it was very nice. Very sexy - Daniel Johns
Since when should people place limits on their own freedom of expression simply because they don’t think they’ll achieve anything?
I’m drunk and I can’t find my horse
Is out of sight really out of mind?
Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go
I want a person-sized draw under my bed.
Life without pain would be great - or would it?
You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music - The Cable Guy