Scrapbook

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they go by."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 23:18:16 +0100

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they go by.”

- Douglas Adams

How to tell if somebody is middle-class #578

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:00:44 +0000

They own a Brabantia bin

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:04:05 +0000

“Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.”

- P. J. O’Rourke

"See when you make a move out of frustration or anger it always ends in catastrophe"

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:03:19 +0000

““See when you make a move out of frustration or anger it always ends in catastrophe””

- Bobby

"‘We only call ourselves the Red Squirrel Protection Partnership because if we called it the..."

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:47:44 +0000

“‘We only call ourselves the Red Squirrel Protection Partnership because if we called it the Grey Squirrel Annihilation League people might be a bit less sympathetic,’ Redesdale announces, chuckling. ‘But we do nothing with red squirrels apart from save them by killing grey squirrels!’”

- They shoot squirrels, don’t they? The Guardian

"Rappers from South Central Los Angeles look good in really baggy jeans; office managers from Reading..."

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 08:12:05 +0000

“Rappers from South Central Los Angeles look good in really baggy jeans; office managers from Reading do not.”

- A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO MEN’S JEANS

"Sweet honey comes from bees that sting"

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:03:20 +0000

““Sweet honey comes from bees that sting””

- Candide

"Liquorice is good for you in moderation"

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 01:02:25 +0100

“Liquorice is good for you in moderation”

- Sinead O’Hara,
Royal Homeopathic Hospital London

"The marathon is easy. There are no lions"

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 10:30:49 +0100

“The marathon is easy. There are no lions”

- Maasai warriors running the London Marathon. The Guardian

"We will probably be judged not by the monuments we build but by those we have destroyed."

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:59:00 +0000

“We will probably be judged not by the monuments we build but by those we have destroyed.”

- “Farewell to Penn Station” New York Times editorial, October 30, 1963

It's just rubbish, mate

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 02:15:00 +0100

Two binmen pick up rubbish with metal implements in a park in Hackney, east London...
Tim: I play this game, yeah? I think of the story behind everything I pick up.
Rory: It's just rubbish, mate.
Tim: You should give it a try. Makes the job more interesting.
Rory: What was this? A newspaper. What's it now? A wet newspaper. Fantastic.
Tim: You're not even trying. What about this?
Rory: Oh, I've not seen an empty packet of crisps before. Stunning.
Tim: But they might have been eaten by a child who will be prime minister some day.
Rory: Not exactly likely, though, is it?
Tim: This one over here has definitely got a story.
Rory: Mate, it's a bloody tissue.
Tim: Sure, but what do you think it was before
Rory: Someone had a nosebleed. I'm not touching it.
Tim: But if we were playing the game.
Rory: We're not playing the game.
Tim: I'll tell you what I see. I see a terrorist, yeah?
Rory: Just sitting in the park?
Tim: And having a break from terrorist things.
Rory: And using a tissue?
Tim: He wants to go straight. So he says to al-Qaida, 'Listen, boys.' He's saying this in ... that other language. 'I don't want to ruin society, after all.' So one of the other terrorists comes and hits him in the face. Blood everywhere, but he's got this tissue.
Rory: What are you? Jeffrey bloody Archer?
Tim: Don't point your utensil at me.
Rory: I don't need to be acting out the life history of a tissue, yeah?
Tim: A terrorist tissue. You see how it passes the time, though? You see that?
Rory: You know what else passes the time. Doing work.
Tim: Doing work. I won't be stifled. Everything has its story.
Craig Taylor in The Guardian, June 23 2007

Disease, famine, natural disasters and many other problems can not be prevented. We can predict and...

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 15:06:35 +0100

Disease, famine, natural disasters and many other problems can not be prevented. We can predict and protect, but we can never prevent.

War is entirely made by man and only man can stop it.

"Anybody who doesn’t love Toxic by Britney Spears is lying"

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 15:02:05 +0100

“Anybody who doesn’t love Toxic by Britney Spears is lying”

"#13 Arriving in the pub late and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean you’re..."

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 18:38:03 +0100

“#13 Arriving in the pub late and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean you’re popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn’t know that.”

- 25 Things that make you a man

"Think Big Bird being violated by a grizzly bear"

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 18:18:34 +0100

“Think Big Bird being violated by a grizzly bear”

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it...

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 17:30:00 +0100

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.
Herb Caen

"Nobody intends to get naked. Somebody puts on the YMCA and five minutes later, you’re on the..."

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 02:49:25 +0100

“Nobody intends to get naked. Somebody puts on the YMCA and five minutes later, you’re on the floor in a puddle of beer with your **** hanging out.”

- Tom Bond

Future of television, cinema, internet and me

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 15:43:21 +0000

Future of television, cinema, internet and me

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen"

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 15:19:48 +0000

“If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen”

Global warming

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 14:33:39 +0000

The problem will solve itself. Once we’ve used all of our precious oil, gas and coal, we won’t have anything left to turn into dangerous chemicals. We’ll all be driving around in cars powered by water and recycling everything we use.

It just might be a few decades after we’ve destroyed the planet…